When we get married, we never think about the fact that the majority of marriages actually fail. Marriages happen for many different reasons, and if you have been through a failed marriage, the main reason for failure may be different than many other reasons. However, there are some common reasons that most failed marriages have.
Check out this list of 8 reasons why most marriages fail:
1) Because you wanted the wedding more than the marriage.
Many of us have imagined the glamorous romance of our wedding day since childhood, floating down the aisle in a white dress, admired by all our friends and family, and feeling like a star for once. When you reach an age where all your friends are doing it, the pressure can be overwhelming, and god forbid, by the time you find out the truth, you’ve already started planning your wedding. Even though you know in your heart that this relationship is no good, you just can’t give up on that one day. Moms, give your daughters advice from day one: marriage is after marriage.
2) Because you married the wrong person, or because he did.
This can be a direct result of reason 1, but it could also be another way of committing to someone with whom you are completely incompatible. Maybe you haven’t gotten past the infatuation stage yet and gotten to know each other. Maybe you’ve been out of his element since childhood, but your loyalty tells you: “You can’t break his heart – everything will probably be fine. Or maybe he’ll turn out to be a totally different person than you thought he was (think of a cheater or a secret drug addict). Be careful, and take enough time to really get to know your future partner, but not so much that you’re already done with it on your wedding day.
3) Because one person can’t meet all your needs.
The problem with long-term monogamy is that even if your partner meets 75% of your deepest needs on a daily basis, the other 25% remain unmet. Forever. So, for example, if you marry a man who works hard, has a fun personality, and drives you crazy in bed, but never calls you pet names or is a good listener, you have a choice: be satisfied with 75% or start looking for someone who fills the missing 25%. The problem is, even when the issues settle, no one can be everything, and your happiness level may be lower than it was before.
4) Because someone cheated on you.
Let’s assume it was you. Let’s say your heart craved something so badly (see #3) that your husband couldn’t fulfill and you looked for it elsewhere. Maybe you actually needed good sex, but more so attention, affection, and someone to bring you back to an attractive woman instead of a wife. Or let’s say your husband cheated. Men cheat on their partners for different reasons than women. Sure, some take advantage and build a career out of it by constantly telling themselves they’re still cheating, but sometimes it’s hormonal and stupid. Infidelity is a huge blow to any marriage and can leave you feeling like nothing will ever be the same again. But you’d be surprised how many of your long-married friends survived this unfortunate human mistake.
5) Because you gave up too soon.
Not every crisis is a deal-breaker. Married couples have been known to remain stronger and more united while dealing with the most shocking situations: infidelity, financial ruin, infertility, loss of children, cheating, and even abuse, but not when they always have one foot in the door. What would be different if divorce was not possible and they had to stay married? First, time works, so this morning’s pain may become a dull ache tomorrow, and next week’s pain a distant memory.
6) Because they are open-minded.
In the 19th century, divorce rates were in the single digits. In 1915, the divorce rate was 10%, but divorce was granted only in cases of severe abuse, adultery, and child neglect.
Even in the 1960s, divorce between couples was met with opposition from the church, parents, and society at large. Not that that’s a great thing. There are certainly people who have endured terrible marriages who couldn’t bear the “shame” of divorce. But maybe divorce is a little too easy and accepted these days. It’s not as hard as changing your mind about an expensive handbag and returning it to the store for a refund.
7) Because you think it’s all someone else’s fault.
Well, that’s it. You are a good person and he is a terrible person. Ask your mom, sister or friends. Of course, his family and friends may see things differently, but they are simply prejudiced. In fact, there are marriages where one person is clearly the bad guy, but often it is the two people who need to work on their behavior and communication skills. Find a mature person who has been married for many years and ask her to talk about the things she did wrong when she was younger and had to learn to do differently. Perhaps she realized at some point that she needed to improve her own behavior and attitude as well.
8) Because you want love, but he wants respect.
This is normal, but if the spouse does not understand this, the marriage will fail. Generally, women crave tender love and affirmation, while husbands need to be recognized for their abilities and achievements. The problem is that we tend to give our spouses what they want. So if a woman slips love letters in her suit pocket or tries to seduce him with lingerie, but makes jokes at his expense or scolds him in front of the children, trouble is inevitable. Ditto for the husband who brags to others about his wife’s accomplishments but who ignores her at home. If your marriage is on the rocks, try this tip above all others: show love to your wife, respect to your husband.
By: Kim Stern
Source: Shape Mind Soul
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